That Minty Fresh Glow
by Shinga
Summary: Peter is always the test subject when James and Sirius want to have a little fun… like this instance when an innocentlooking potion turns Peter into something… different.


**Title**: That Minty Fresh Glow

**Author**: Shinga

**Fandom**: Harry Potter

**Characters**: MWPP/Lily

**Rating**: PG-13 for discussion of anatomy

**Summary**: Peter is always the test subject when James and Sirius want to have a little fun… like this instance when an innocent-looking potion turns Peter into something… different.

**Notes**: My God, it's FANFICTION! Real live Fanfiction! From me! I haven't done any of this nonsense in a while. Just a short, humorous little one-shot fic. No "pairings" or anything like that, just fun. Enjoy. ;)

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"Oi, Peter, try this potion out!"

That's how these things always started.

Peter looked up from his book with a look on his face that he hoped fully expressed his attitude of 'whatever it is, _no'_. He was met with the grins of James Potter and Sirius Black. James' glasses slipped on his nose and he pushed them back up with one fleeting gesture before returning to his grinning pose in front of Peter.

"What's it got in it?" he asked.

"It's a little something James and I cooked up," Sirius said. He reached around behind him and turned back with a small cup in his hands. "Here, it smells like mint."

Peter took the cup. He peered at the potion, which was a pleasant swirl of white and red, and indeed smelled very much like peppermint. His nose stung slightly.

"What'll it do to me if I drink it?" Peter asked shrewdly. "Last time I drank one of your mad concoctions I ended up in the Hospital Wing for a week!"

"It turned out all right, though," James said as Sirius made a sorry attempt at hiding laughter. "Once you got rid of all those boils, you looked ten times better! Why, I heard little Madeline Kensington from Hufflepuff rather fancies you."

"She's the size of a troll! And looks as if she hasn't washed her hair in a _month_!"

"She's got nice eyes, and I heard she sings like a lark."

"I've heard it's more a magpie," came the musing tone of Remus Lupin, who had previously been quietly reading in his corner of the common room. He looked up at his friends with a dry expression. "James, what're you making him drink?"

"It's just a little experiment!" James assured, waving Remus off as he grinned at Peter again. "Go on, mate, it's perfectly harmless. When have we ever done you wrong? You're our friend."

Peter scowled. He could think of _plenty_ of times they had 'done him wrong'. Sure most of it was pretty harmless teasing. And of the infamous "Marauders", he was the only one who would ever test out James and Sirius' 'experiments'. Neither of the boys would _dare_ do it themselves, and Remus' response was usually a very straight look on his face that told them immediately to 'bugger off'.

But the potion _did_ look pretty harmless. Pleasant, even… and he'd certainly drunk worse. The potion that caused the boils, for example, had been a bubbling green and smelled like old socks.

Remus put down his book. "You don't have to, Peter. Don't let them bully you."

"_Bully_!" James looked offended. "Why, we wouldn't do a thing to hurt our man Peter here, now would we Sirius?"

"Not a thing," Sirius nodded. "It's not as if any potion ever lasts for long. We make sure to right him again. It's for the good of mankind, what he does!"

Peter shook his head. "I really don't mind, Remus," he said. "It's like they said, nothing they've ever done has left any permanent damage and they do make it right in the end… even if it does take a _week_." He glared at James.

"It would've been sooner, but that blasted Evans kept showing up whenever Sirius and I were working. I swear she's just trying to catch me in the act so she's got more reason to hate me."

"Can't say you don't deserve it," Remus said, picking his book up again. "You were ruthless to her in our first year or two."

Peter ignored them as they argued about Lily. He stared down at the cup and the friendly-looking potion swirling about happily. It really _did_ look harmless…

"Holy mother of -- oi, James, Remus, he went and _drank_ it!"

Immediately the two teenagers stopped arguing and whirled around to stare at Peter, who had just swallowed the potion in one swift move. Peter set down the cup and waited. The potion felt cool down his throat, but warmed intensely in his stomach. At first it felt rather nice, but after a moment he began to feel a little nauseous.

"Uh, Peter? You don't look well." James said. He and Sirius stood up and backed off a few feet.

"I'll be in the lavatory," Peter mumbled, jumping up and pushing past them to run out of the room. On his way out, he nearly ran over Lily Evans and a few other sixth-year girls walking in.

Lily watched Peter run out of the portrait and down the hallway. She instantly whirled and glared at James. "What did you go and do _now_, you irrepressible git?"

"I've done nothing! He was feeling off color, he just ran to revisit his breakfast. Can't a man vomit in peace?"

A few of the girls made faces and Lily rolled her eyes. "_Boys_," she snapped. She tossed her red hair over her shoulder and stormed up the steps to the girls' dormitory. Her friends followed her.

"You say things _just_ to get her out of the room, don't you?" Remus asked.

"It works."

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Peter could honestly say this was one of the few times in life he ever _wanted_ to throw up, but _couldn't_. The contents of his stomach lurched and twisted and turned. The feelings spread to his legs, arms and everywhere else it would reach. I felt like his innards were dancing chaotically to some heavy metal band and he'd not been invited, or even informed, of the party. Something of a shock, really.

He stumbled down the hallways and corridors, passing right by at least three of the males' lavatories. His mind felt oddly fuddled as he looked at each one thinking "Oh no, my, I can't go in _there_…" He wasn't sure why. He'd never had a problem with any of them before.

A sudden wave of vertigo and nausea almost caused him to black out. With his slightly blurred vision, he saw the door to a lavatory and rushed inside. Nearly tripping over his robes, he hurried to a stall.

He still didn't throw up, but he coughed violently in a vain attempt to do so. Whatever that deceiving, _wretched_ potion was, it wasn't coming back out.

"Goodness," said a voice behind him. "Are you all right? Should I take you to the Hospital Wing?"

Peter froze and felt the color drain from his face. He didn't so much recognize who it was behind him… but it most definitely _wasn't_ male.

"I, uh…" he said, his voice a little high. "No, I think I'll be all right. Must've been something in the Pumpkin juice this morning."

"Well here, let me help you," small hands rested on his shoulders. "I know the food here can be a little harsh on the stomach sometimes, especially with all those exams coming up soon. You know Emma Simmons, in Ravenclaw? I saw her in here last week, looked like she lost every meal she's had since Christmas."

Peter refused to take his face out from the toilet. Did she not realize he was a _boy_ in the _girls'_ lavatory? He tried to think of a polite way to tell her to leave so he could make a dignified escape.

"Oh gosh, how rude of me! I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Natalie Trigg, Hufflepuff. You must be Gryffindor, you're the only House I don't share a class with. Sixth year, yes?"

"Y-yes."

"My, how _absurd_! We've both been here so long yet I don't ever recall meeting you. What's your name?"

Peter considered this. He couldn't think of a fake girl's name to give, and 'Peter' wasn't one of those names that could be used either way.

Just then the door to the lavatory opened. "Natalie!" another girl said. "Didn't you say you're meeting Patrick in the library? It's nearly three o' clock."

"Oh!" Natalie patted Peter on the back. "I'm terribly sorry, but I really must go. Are you _sure_ you'll be all right?"

"Oh yes," Peter squeaked. "I'm feeling much better."

"But… you've still got your head in the toilet."

"Yes, I know. It's a nice view."

Natalie said nothing, but patted Peter on the shoulder rather gingerly as she stood and left the room. Peter waited for a few seconds before leaving his toilet and nearly running from the lavatory. The nausea was gone, but his face would probably be red for a week.

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No one saw Peter at dinner. Lily spent the meal shooting mean glares at James and Sirius… mostly James. He pretended he didn't notice, but he and Sirius exchanged rather nervous glances. Remus ate in peace.

That night the three friends gathered in the common room to wait for Peter. As it was a Sunday evening, the common room was empty early. Most were going to bed to sleep off the weekend and prepare for classes the next morning. Only James, Sirius and Remus remained.

"So _no_ _one's_ seen him," Remus said, his arms folded across his chest. It wasn't a question.

"No!" Sirius said anyway. "I tried asking around, but every girl I spoke to went all red in the face and couldn't say two words to me."

James snorted. "_Girls_," he said. "Most everyone I asked either did the same thing or told me to bugger off because I apparently hexed them last week. Can't say I remember that bloke, though… I wonder if he made it up."

"Can't be expected to remember every poor sap we throw a spell at," Sirius said, nodding.

"That's what _I_ said. Then he burst into tears and ran off," James shook his head. "_First_ _years_."

"This is serious, you two," Remus snapped. "No one's seen Peter since you made him drink that potion! What _was_ it, anyway?"

"An experiment, I told you," said James huffily. "I don't think it was supposed to make him sick, so maybe it didn't work."

Sirius snickered. "Probably best for the poor bastard if it didn't."

"_Why_?" Remus asked with clenched teeth.

But before either could answer, the portrait door swung open and Peter stormed through the opening. His face was red and his expression bore nothing but pure loathing.

"Pete, you're back!" Sirius exclaimed. "My God man, we were worried about you."

Peter said nothing, but strolled right up to James, reared back, and punched him in the jaw so hard that James fell back onto a couch.

"Peter, what the _hell's_ gotten into you!" Remus asked.

"Do you know what _these_ are!" Peter asked, pointing at his chest. "DO YOU?"

"Peter, what on _Earth_ are you going on about?" Remus asked. The other two merely looked guilty.

"I'm a bloody GIRL!" Peter nearly shrieked, his voice a definite octave higher than it had been that afternoon. "A _girl_! With breasts, and curves and I'm _missing_ my --"

"You're a…" Remus stopped. "Oh. Oh my. Well, I can see how that's a problem."

"A _problem_?" Peter shouted. "Do you know what this MEANS?"

"Well, for starters, we won't be calling you a wanker for some time," Sirius said flatly.

"I'm a _girl_! I can't be a _girl_! I can't even _talk_ to girls! How am I supposed to _be_ one?" Peter lurched forward and picked James up from the couch by his shirt collar. "_Change me back, you goddamn wanker_!"

"The potion'll wear off in a few hours, mate, don't worry about it," James said. "And girl or not, you've got a mean punch. I wouldn't worry too much about it."

"I'm with James," Sirius said, putting a hand on Peter's shoulder, which had barely slimmed at all. "With those robes on, no one can really tell. It's not as if you've got a lot to show off."

Peter blinked and suddenly let go of James and wrap his arms around his chest. "What's _that_ supposed to mean? What's wrong with them?"

"Oh _Merlin_," Remus slapped his forehead with his hand.

"You calling me _flat_?" Peter sniffed haughtily. "I'll have you know my hands aren't small, and I can fill one up with some left over."

"You've tested this, I see," James said, causing Sirius to chuckle.

Peter's face flushed a bright red. "You'd do it too!" he stammered.

"Anything else you've explored there, _Petra_?" Sirius smirked.

Peter's eyes went wide. "N-no! I haven't!"

James began to laugh hard. "My God, Peter, I can understand not wanting to explore another girl's body, but you can't even explore your own?"

"This isn't mine!" Peter squeaked. "I'm not a girl!"

"Oh, that's _enough_, all of you," Remus said. "Honestly, as much as we'll be laughing about this years from now, it's time for bed. James, how long will Peter be like this?"

"As I said, mate, a few hours at most. He'll be a wanker again by daybreak."

"Good. Peter, get to bed. You'll be fine in the morning."

"Yeah," Sirius said. "And don't, ah… stay up too late." He and James burst into laughter at this. Remus glared at them.

"Well," Peter said, hugging himself and looking nervous. "I suppose that's all right… you'll all leave me… _alone_… won't you?" He blushed furiously.

"Peter… Wormtail," Sirius said, laying a hand on his friend's shoulder again. "Don't worry. I don't care _how_ female you are, we would never touch you." He nodded slowly. "_Ever_."

"I'm with him," James said.

Remus sighed heavily. "Let's all get to bed. Tomorrow will be a nice, new week and we'll all be very much male," he said, looking over at James. "Or, we'd better be."

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The next morning proved to be no disappointment to Peter. He woke up to a very male body, and no leftover side-effects from the previous day. No one brought it up, or teased him. The day went by very normally, and the week was no different. James was James, Sirius was Sirius, Remus was Remus, and Peter was Peter and certainly not _'Petra'_. Life went on.

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Lily Evans was ready to tear every bit of parchment apart and start over again. Their Ancient Runes professor was an absolute _nightmare_. This was the fourth essay she'd written this week, each eleven inches, and it was only Thursday! He'd probably have them write another three over the weekend.

She was alone in the common room, her books and notes strewn about the floor in a big mess. Her hair was pulled back in a quick ponytail and she was chewing agitatedly on her quill.

"Ah, Lily, my _succulent_ little flower, how are we doing today?"

"James Potter, one of these days I'll figure out what _fool_ hormone flows in your being that makes you so utterly stupid that you go _out_ _of_ _your_ _way_ to infuriate me," Lily said very flatly. "Until then, please leave me alone before I hex you into next week."

"I noticed you were a little stressed these past few weeks," James sat down on a cushion near her. "Is there anything _I_ can do to help?"

"You could shut up for starters," Lily snapped, not bothering to look up at him. "Why are you bothering me, James?"

"I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier today."

"You mean when Madeline was hanging by her feet on the ceiling by the Potions classroom today? Or the incident at lunch?"

"A little of both," James said.

Lily looked up at him. "_You_… apologize." She narrowed her eyes. "What are you up to, James Potter?"

"Nothing at all, my Lily," he smiled widely and offered her a small cup. "Would you like some peppermint tea?"

_**THE END**_


End file.
